The Grestest Pain

When I was young, I was in love with poems, I wrote them, collected them and treat them as my pearls of wisdom in life. Today, I was playing DOTA with my friends, and I know that they don't mean it, but me being the only female in the group, they unknowingly left me out. I don't know why, but this feeling felt really bad. It is the same as being stabbed in the back and this is not the first time. I've never told anyone but, this is why I stopped playing with them for a while.
Being hurt, made me thought of a poem which I once read, and I reflect upon its contents and what it is trying to express. The sentence which is emblaze in my heart goes like this,

"The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be ignored and forgotten."

How true indeed, maybe I cared about them and treat them as my friends, but probably to them, I might just be a playing partner who occasionally tag along when there is a lack of players. I did tried my best, but it was not enough. To them, I will always be a female and a lousy player. How ironic the fact is.

Throughout the whole game, I was angry. Really, really boiling with a capital B. What is happening with me? I am confused, why am I reacting so aggressively? It is really so painful in the heart sometimes that my defences came up to protect myself.

2012

Yesterday night, I tagged along with my friends to watch the newly released disaster film '2012'. Mind, I am not a big fan of disaster film if I might say so, mainly is because I tend to think a lot, and I think DEEP.

True to my prediction, after the movie, I was dumbfounded. I don't care about those people who are saying that the movie didn't lived up to their expectations, but to me, it is so FREAKING real. During the movie, I kinda had a feeling that the floor is going to crack and we are going to go WAY down sooner or later. This movie, I tell you kids, is a reflection of cold, hard fact. No sugaring around the truth and fairytales to make the story more bearable.

I sometimes ponder, is our world really coming to an end? I am a Christian, I know that God has a way for all of us but, how does it feels to die when the judgement day finally come? Do we just close our eyes and everything blacks out just like the lights of our brains is switched off? Does it hurts? All of these thoughts kept pestering me the whole night. 2012? Really too early if you ask me. I haven't lived my life to the fullest yet.

There used to be a very popular question around the net, it goes like this,

"What would you do today if you knew that you were going to die tomorrow?"

My answer?

"I don't know."